With such good news from Columbia I feel like putting all of my stuff in storage and hopping around for a little bit. I've felt stagnant and not myself for months. Not like I'm being pushed into a box but rather rattled really hard until my pieces fall out. I'm surprised I haven't gotten one of those dreams where you're teeth fall out. Chances are my dreams are too disturbing for me to remember. The other night I was joking with my friend about coolness, and acceptance, and all the other bullshit and that night I had a dream that I caught her skipping out on plans with me so that she could hang out with some people who were "cooler". Isn't that a bitch? It could happen to anyone. I was watching six feet under the other day and the mother says "I heard somewhere that every person in a dream is actually yourself". I yelled at my friend in the dream, and said friend felt real bad.  Chances are I'm doing exactly what said friend was doing in dream and I'm mad at myself for doing it, I feel that it's incredibly weak and cowardly.  My mother always stresssed to me that the idea of being coolest, cooler, etc is bullshit, and you should make friends face up to their actions, I guess it's kind of a family value, because all my family seems to exist and get along just fine in a region separate from cool, just plain ignoring it. But New York's a bitch like that, superficial bullshit is all around and it will making you fucking neurotic. I've never been this way before. Finding companionship with someone else who feels this confident has always been hard to come by, and it's something I really desire. I'm glad I can see straight right now but the path is narrow and windy. I keep on thinking of these lyrics from a certain Buzzcocks song. Saying which would be all too revealing.